i am a nomad.
easter break has started, yet things are not as excitin as i hoped it wud be.
firstly, ive been kinda mood off the last few days...withdrawal symptoms, perhaps? skipped to parties, but managed to drag myself to santi's 21st..which was really good..nice finger food, and an AWESOME cake...some choc cake from david jones...OMG it was heaven!!
i've been cravin 2 things in the last few days: 1)cinnamon toast crunch (damn u mike iskor for introducin it to me) and 2) reese's peanut butter cup. both of which i cant get in australia.. *sigh* i guess il jus have to wait till dec when i go (or if, dependin very much on my financial situation) to the US...arrgh i hate not havin money..
anyways, back to me whinin. sometimes i wonder, is studyin overseas always a good thing? for one, its given me the independence i have always craved, but on the other hand, i feel lik i've lost touch with things at home.like family for instance. its so hard to keep a tab on things, and things sometimes get misinterpreted along the way. i've come to a conclusion: no more will i attempt to try and butt in to things tht are goin on at home. mayb im jus makin things worse, in any case, i thk tht not being there, i no longer have the right to do so. my life is no longer back home. my life is here, right now. lol. i jus realised how little sense this is goin to make to ppl who read this..
anyways, as i was sayin, my life is not in malaysia, nor will it ever truly be. without soundin like a total complete n utter bitch, im goin to admit this: i dont miss home. ppl are always talkin abt missin their late night pratas and havin their mommies do their laundry. but the fact is, ive been like a freakin nomad for such a long time tht treading unfamiliar territories has become a weirdly familiar thing for me. and the incident tonight just sealed my belief. no more is my life there. i guess this the sacrifice one has to make in this scenario.
*sigh*
*double sigh*
somehow, somethin tells me tht i have made things worse. and unfortunately other ppl are the ones who are goin to feel the wrath, not me. which is makin this guilt even harder to handle.
from now onwards,communication will be minimal, and limited to wat i have done for the day.might jus be easier tht way.
malaysia no longer holds my heart.
wait.... what heart??
alright, on to more lively things... today i ran longer than usual. 3 rounds around uni (deepa will be so proud of me) and the i ran along dandenong road, turned into clayton road, and back to kanooka grove. ran for more than an hour. strangely enough, after all tht, i didnt feel tired. i didnt even feel SOB. HR was not up. which makes me feel like i didnt work hard enough. like the last 2 days after like 5 mins itself i was feelin so out of breath n tired tht i ended up walkin. hmmm. my body is very neurotic, much like me.
ok. im off to bed now. sorry for the miscommunication and pissin u off. from now on, u do wat u do, and i will do wat i do. plz dont expect miracles from me, im very much incapable of such things.
firstly, ive been kinda mood off the last few days...withdrawal symptoms, perhaps? skipped to parties, but managed to drag myself to santi's 21st..which was really good..nice finger food, and an AWESOME cake...some choc cake from david jones...OMG it was heaven!!
i've been cravin 2 things in the last few days: 1)cinnamon toast crunch (damn u mike iskor for introducin it to me) and 2) reese's peanut butter cup. both of which i cant get in australia.. *sigh* i guess il jus have to wait till dec when i go (or if, dependin very much on my financial situation) to the US...arrgh i hate not havin money..
anyways, back to me whinin. sometimes i wonder, is studyin overseas always a good thing? for one, its given me the independence i have always craved, but on the other hand, i feel lik i've lost touch with things at home.like family for instance. its so hard to keep a tab on things, and things sometimes get misinterpreted along the way. i've come to a conclusion: no more will i attempt to try and butt in to things tht are goin on at home. mayb im jus makin things worse, in any case, i thk tht not being there, i no longer have the right to do so. my life is no longer back home. my life is here, right now. lol. i jus realised how little sense this is goin to make to ppl who read this..
anyways, as i was sayin, my life is not in malaysia, nor will it ever truly be. without soundin like a total complete n utter bitch, im goin to admit this: i dont miss home. ppl are always talkin abt missin their late night pratas and havin their mommies do their laundry. but the fact is, ive been like a freakin nomad for such a long time tht treading unfamiliar territories has become a weirdly familiar thing for me. and the incident tonight just sealed my belief. no more is my life there. i guess this the sacrifice one has to make in this scenario.
*sigh*
*double sigh*
somehow, somethin tells me tht i have made things worse. and unfortunately other ppl are the ones who are goin to feel the wrath, not me. which is makin this guilt even harder to handle.
from now onwards,communication will be minimal, and limited to wat i have done for the day.might jus be easier tht way.
malaysia no longer holds my heart.
wait.... what heart??
alright, on to more lively things... today i ran longer than usual. 3 rounds around uni (deepa will be so proud of me) and the i ran along dandenong road, turned into clayton road, and back to kanooka grove. ran for more than an hour. strangely enough, after all tht, i didnt feel tired. i didnt even feel SOB. HR was not up. which makes me feel like i didnt work hard enough. like the last 2 days after like 5 mins itself i was feelin so out of breath n tired tht i ended up walkin. hmmm. my body is very neurotic, much like me.
ok. im off to bed now. sorry for the miscommunication and pissin u off. from now on, u do wat u do, and i will do wat i do. plz dont expect miracles from me, im very much incapable of such things.
posted by NaN at 7:27 AM
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